Monday, May 28, 2007

Just a Thought... A real one!

Beyonds earth is a vast space.
So many colors yet black
background is so lonely and


I'm so lucky and thankful
we have crossed ways.

Sunday, May 27, 2007


Life's a journey it said, follow your path
All roads lead to home, home where the heart is
Trust your instincts, listen to your feelings
True love happens once, for everyone there is

The road is long, most of unpaved
Full of people met, passed and crossed on the way
Some bad, though most pleading selves good
Can't help but wonder, how I looked in their headlights

The path our road, pebbles rearranged in our dust
Made meaningful by cliché, fortune cookie soul sustenance
Written to make the vacant suffering somehow less
Existence reduced to hallmark, sent the very best

Consciousness, trapped in sealed caskets void but aware
Consciousness, passing through an endless silent to infinity
Conscious of the lack of final meaning, desperate to raise the lid
Emptiness felt, conscious softer for some by relinquished meaning

So you'll find me here on life's journey, following it's path
Taking every road home, home where my heart is
Trust my infallible instincts, listen to those correct feelings
Seek the true love sure to happen, as I'm everyone there is...

Saturday, May 26, 2007

Can We?

Can we be
Can we be
Together forever
and never
Be apart bodies
nor hearts
Can we run
far away some day
Just you and
I day by day; by and by
Can we...
be free?

The One Who Got Away...

By some mischief of fate, we might only truly fall in love once. You know, that one great love old folks refer to.

Many lovers may get into our lives but there is only one person, with that one smile, one kiss, one hug, and one moment, that our hearts will never replace. That person usually, but sadly, is the one who got away.

That's why, after all the chips are down. Can we still fall in love that way again?

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

His Cock, My Anal Canal...

Of the tried and true missionary, for some strange reason, I am tired and I want to feel what it's like to be penetrated, straight up the back chute, so I void myself, with plenty of prune juice and coffee, and set out to take it up the ass.

An added premise is that stimulation of the vagal down under there, via the anal passage, can really get you off. I've tested this with a middle finger a medical glove, and plenty of kay-wye.

Joao, my resident former Italian buck, will do me the favor, so I hope, I know he's been hungering for my ass, and cum for many moons, I suspect.
We meet late one evening in his carriage house, the former slave quarters in a Midtown section of that great bluezy Rivertown; The seduction enjoyed with wine and music.

I've busted his nut and sucked him dry; now his turn; he tongues my aureoles massages my chests, gets me hard and quivering, I have to beg him to take me from behind.

He has a hard time believing me, but I assure him this is what I want I brace myself, he reaches around, holds, and his phallus commences to probe gently.

He never hurts me, which is nice, I suppose, but I'm left wondering how a really rough session would go. Be careful what you pray for, my conscience says.

Friday, May 18, 2007

New Beginning...

I'm so used to letting my fears control me, but today is the new beginning. I'm taking control of my fears and no longer letting them control me, today is the day where I embark on my new journey to my new destiny.

It starts with a new love interest, and next comes the career that I needed to have, then my new real friends, and finally, my family. I can feel myself changing and becoming someone new, someone that everyone won't be able to recongize after the transformation is complete. I'll be stronger, braver and more confident in me.

Today is definitely the start of a new beginning.

Tuesday, May 15, 2007

My Thoughts... For Klein

Never say that someone completes you. We have to feel whole even when we are by ourselves, for needing a certain someone is not love but dependency.

Wanting a person to become a part of our life is the best reason for having them. You can only want when you know you have enough...

So rather than search for that someone who will complete you, wait for the person who will complement your completeness...

Saturday, May 12, 2007

A Goodbye... For C2

For the first time I would have let
Someone to see who I really am
If you had just asked me those questions
I would have answered them all
But you never did
You don’t want to know me
I wanted to know you
But you didn’t let me

So many things I don’t know about you
So many things you never told me
You’re so much more than you let me see
You just didn’t let me see who you really are

I guess this is what you get for loving someone
I guess this is what I get for loving you
Nothing more but a troubled head
Nothing more but a bottle by my bed
This is what I get for needing you
Never again will I need someone
Or at least I won’t let him know that I do
And never again will I need you
And never again will I love you

You had your chance you just didn’t take it
I was all yours, you just couldn’t see
And I don’t think that you knew what I meant
When I told you that you don’t care about me
I know you care, but not the way I need you to

Think it’s for the best if I just set you free
How can we be together when I’m not what you need?
When I’m not what you would like to have?
I’m not all that fun
I don’t think life’s meant to be just fun
I just don’t think I’m what you’re looking for

I guess this is a goodbye
Cause what can you say
To make me feel as though you care
There’s things you can do
But I know you won’t

There’s things you can do to show me that you care
But I know that you never will
And you just don’t know what to say
And you don’t even know it
You don’t know what I need to hear
And you don’t even know it

So I guess it’s a goodbye
Why hang on to feelings we had before
Why hang on to feelings that aren’t there anymore?

Wednesday, May 9, 2007


Life, the gift of nature.
Love, the gift of life.
A kiss the gift of love.

Life has taught me that love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction. Our love or liking is not measured in how long we have known each other, but how long we spend a day with each other. Love or in liking has nothing to do with what you are expecting to get---only with what you are expecting to give---which is everything.

Our fondness is born with the pleasure of looking at each other. It is fed with the necessity of seeing each other. It is concluded with the impossibility of separation.

Love is broad; When you love some, you love all things, not just their beauty, love is narrow, you love one and only one, no one else compares to them, no one even matters.

Our Attachment is composed of a single soul... Love is the power that leads the soul and mends the heart. Love is the exchange of two fantasies and the contact of two skies. Love is the expressions of simplicity in emotion, the unattainable longing that comes so unexpectedly, with great substance and bliss.

Love is more than emotions. It is the substance of being. Love is that condition in which happiness with another person is essential to thee own. Love is when to people who care for each other get confused... Love is unconditional. Love is like a butterfly, it goes where it pleases and pleases where it goes.

Love is whatever you make it... NEED I SAY MORE!!!

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

Taking Out The Trash...

As each day passes I try to take a step back not in the direction of failure, but in the direction away from everything we ever knew. Just as the sun fades deep into the eastern horizon, so do memories. After so long, your mind fulfills itself by replacing what was once a redundant image teaming your thoughts daily. The mind moves on. Even through the pain, the tears, and those long nights you felt were interminable.

The heart attaches, at some point, yet the heart falls, breaking into pieces left only to be picked up the next trash day. When you reach the site and are dumped out, it is then you realize that living so dirty is not what you should desire. You can't hide and you mustn't lie. Be open and your heart will set you free once all the trash is taken out.

An Endless Place...

I feel like my life is in a spin, A feeling so intense. I whither from all the weight and I am numb from all I sense. Quivering in the corner, the feelings come and go.

Shaking uncontrollably as I slowly loose my mind. Weakly I reach to extinguish the light, for visions that I find. Wandering thoughts passing endlessly through my brain.

I tingled, as nothing is left to feel not pleasure or pain, just numbness, as I lay helpless at the mercy of all. Lethargically I raise myself & step, shake, trip and fall.

A beginning of the end I try desperately to scream, My mouth opens wide but silence, and this must be just a dream. Reality escapes along with my morale and I'm left an empty shell.

If I'll survive, I'm wondering? Only time will ever tell. Left to my own devices as I sink to this endless place. Seconds pass like years as the tears roll down my face.

Time heals all wounds they say but these are still as deep as ever. New life begins each and every day and I'm stuck in never, never.

Friday, May 4, 2007

Sa Aking Pagtanda...

Sa aking pagtanda, unawain mo sana ako at pagpasensyahan. Kapag dala ng kalabuan ng mata ay nakabasag ako ng pinggan o nakatapon ng sabaw sa hapagkainan, huwag mo sana akong kagagalitan.

Maramdamin ang isang matanda. Nagse-self-pity ako tuwing sinisigawan mo ako. Kapag mahina na ang tenga ko at hindi ko maintindihan ang sinasabi mo, huwag mo naman sana akong sabihan ng "binge!" paki-ulit nalang ang sinabimo o pakisulat nalang. Pasensya ka na, anak. Matanda na talaga ako.

Kapag mahina na tuhod ko, pagtiyagaan mo sana akong tulungang tumayo, katulad ng pag-aalalay ko sa iyo noong nag-aaral ka pa lamang lumakad. Pagpasensyahan mo sana ako kung ako man ay nagiging makulit at paulitulit na parang sirang plaka. Basta pakinggan mo nalang ako. Huwag mo sana akong pagtatawanan o pagsasawaang pakinggan.

Natatandaan mo anak noong bata ka pa? kapag gusto mo ng lobo, paulit-ulit mo 'yong sasabihin, maghapon kang mangungulit hangga't hindi mo nakukuha ang gusto mo. Pinagtyagaan ko ang kakulitan mo.

Pagpasensyahan mo na rin sana ang aking amoy. Amoy matanda, amoy lupa. Huwag mo sana akong piliting maligo. Mahina na ang katawan ko. Madaling magkasakit kapag nalamigan, huwag mo sana akong pandirihan.

Natatandaan mo noong bata ka pa? Pinatyagaan kitang habulin sa ilalim ng kama kapag ayaw mong maligo. Pagpasensyahan mo sana kung madalas, ako'y masungit, dala na marahil itong katandaan. Pagtanda mo, maiintindihan mo rin.

Kapag may konti kang panahon, magkwentohan naman tayo, kahit sandalilang. Inip na ako sa bahay, maghapong nag-iisa. Walang kausap. Alam kong busy ka sa trabaho, subalit nais kong malaman mo na sabik na sabik na akong makakwentohan ka, kahit alam kong hindi ka interesado sa mga kwento ko.

Natatandaan mo anak, noong bata ka pa? Pinagtyagaan kong pakinggan at intindihin ang pautal-utal mong kwento tungkol sa iyong teddy bear. At kapag dumating ang sandali na ako'y magkakasakit at maratay sa banig ng karamdaman, huwga mo sana akong pagsawaan alagaan.

Pagpasensyahan mo na sana kung ako man ay maihi o madumi sa higaan, pagtyagaan mo sana akong alagaan sa mga huling sandali ng aking buhay. Tutal hindi na naman ako magtatagal. Kapag dumating ang sandali ng aking pagpanaw, hawakan mo sana ang aking kamay at bigyan mo ako ng lakas ng loob na harapin ang kamatayan. At huwag kang mag-alala, kapag kaharap ko na ang Diyos na lumikha, ibubulong ko sa kanya na pagpalain ka sana ... dahil naging mapagmahal ka sa iyong ama't ina...

Wednesday, May 2, 2007

Yesterday and Today...

Yesterday... I went home at 6:30am from our Ultimate Crashing Swimming and Slumber Party at CGS. As soon as I git to my room, I went straight to bed and slept till 2pm.I went to the shower, had brunch watched TV, went online and went to my gym appointment.

Today... I wet to the gym super early nothing really special happened in the morning. Because when I came back from the gym, I went back to sleep. I woke up at 2:30pm. Texted Chris because I knew that we were going together but when I tried calling there was no answer. I had to make a quick decision so I took the taxi and head on to the Birthday party of our good friend Wiley.

When I got to Nebs. I called Klein and said that I was already downstairs. The guard did not let me inn because I kept on saying it was on the 19th floor. Oops silly me! Heller?! Its the 9th. hehehe... While at the elevator I told Klein that I was texting Chris but was not answering. Oh well probably he fell asleep.

As soon as we got to Nebs apartment sat a while and desided to cook the spaghetti. Preparation Preparation. It was cooked already... I texted Chris again saying that everybodies on their way but I haven't recieved a single text from him... Haay... Deep inside I was actually getting worried?! Hello I haven't recieved any text of what or where or whatever!!!

Pizza hut delivery came just in time for Jhon followed by Henry, Ed, Charles, and his boyfriend and then a few more minutes was Aisaku followed by Bam... I texted him again but still did not recieved anything... "DIBA NAKAKATUWA!"

8:30pm came and finally decided to go swimming! at first I was actually hesitant to go but might as well, to keep my mind away from my annoyance. Picture, Picture love the Pictures... Thanks to Henry, Bam and Neb. I completely forgotten what I was thinking a while ago.

After swimming. I wanted to hang out more with Neb, Wiley, Klein, and Aisaku. You know help them clean up etc etc... But then I decided to just go home with Henry and Jhon.

I got home at 12ish spoke to a friend on the phone so... Im good, Im OK now! In fact I've completely forgotten what happened to me today hahaha... Akin nalang yun!

Tuesday, May 1, 2007

My Thoughts For My Good Friend... Neb & Wiley

There's a special level of confort between two matching souls - An unbreakable bond of constant support and closeness. Its when a warm embrace feels so right, or when two hands fit snugly. Its a feeling so hard to define but easy to recognize; and when you find that comfort you just know, you will never let go. Everybody in this world is scared and sometimes, it takes two scared persons to do one brave thing: to fall in love